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Fundamental Techniques for Handling People – Part 3 of 3

This is the third post in a multi-part series where I share the highlights of the sections/subsections of the book How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Previous: Give honest, sincere appreciation

Fundamental Techniques for Handling People

Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want

  • We are only interested in what we want, so the only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
  • Example: Don’t preach to your kids about not smoking and about what you want; show them that they likely won’t make the basketball team if they smoke.
  • We give to charity because we want the feeling of giving to others more than we want our money.
  • Arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.
  • Talk in terms of what the other person wants.


  • When asking people for things, lead with how it will help them get what they want.
  • Example: Someone looking for a job in a new city contacted 12 banks telling them she’d like to meet with them and explain how she could help them meet their goals. She didn’t say anything about her wanting a job.
  • Be excited about that which you are selling. Sometimes the excitement alone can sell it.
  • Example: Trying to get a young child to eat breakfast. The parents let her take an active role in making breakfast. Because she was engaged and part of the process, she took more ownership and interest in the task. She felt important.
  • “Self-expression is the dominant necessity of human nature.” — William Winter
  • When we have an idea, let others cook and stir the ideas themselves instead of boasting about how that idea is ours.

“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.” — Henry Ford

Up Next

Become genuinely interested in other people.


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