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How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking (Part 7 of 12)

This is the sixteenth post in a multi-part series where I share the highlights of the sections/subsections of the book How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Previous: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking

How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

Principle 7:  Let the other person feel that the idea is his/hers

  • Don’t you have more faith in ideas that you discover for yourself than in ideas that are handed to you on a silver platter?
  • Make suggestions and let the other person think out the conclusion.
  • Example: Ask people what they expect of you. (This reminded me of the Extreme Programming Bill of Rights.)
  • We prefer to feel that we’re buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, wants, and thoughts.

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  • Instead of presenting completed ideas, show partial ideas and ask the other person how those ideas can be polished to meet that person’s needs.
  • Example (when selling an X-ray machine to a hospital): We have new X-ray equipment, it’s not perfect, and we want to improve it. We would love to hear ideas about how it could be made more serviceable to your profession.
  • Having other people seek your advice makes you feel important.
  • Example (visiting a new location and requesting information about things to do there): Most people sent brochures and letters trying to sell him on why attraction XYZ is worth his time. One company said, “Here are phone numbers of three people in your area that visited us. Ask them what they thought of our place.”

Up Next

Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

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