This is the second post in a multi-part series where I share the highlights of the sections/subsections of the book How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
Previous: Don’t condemn, criticize, or complain
Fundamental Techniques for Handling People
Principle 2: Give honest, sincere appreciation
- Make the other person want to do what it is you want them to do.
- People have a desire to be important/great. This desire makes people want the latest styles, things, and in some cases want to join gangs.
- Some people will make themselves invalids in order to get attention (to seem important).
“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people, the greatest asset that I possess. The way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. There is nothing else that so kills the ambition of a person as criticism from superiors. I never criticize anyone; I believe in giving someone an incentive to work, so I’m anxious to praise and loathe to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.” –Charles Schwabb
- There’s a difference between flattery and appreciation.
- Flattery is shallow, selfish, and insincere — it ought to fail, and usually does.
- In the long run, flattery will do you more harm than good. Flattery is counterfeit, and will eventually get you into trouble.
- Appreciation vs. flattery — sincere vs. insincere, unselfish vs. selfish, admired vs. condemned
- The next time you enjoy a good meal while dining out, send complements to the chef.
- Every presenter knows the discouragement of pouring himself out to an audience and not receiving a single ripple of appreciative comment.
- Appreciation is the legal tender that all souls enjoy.
“Every man I meet is my superior in some way, in that I learn of him.” — R. W. Emerson
Arouse in the other person an eager want.