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How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking (Part 9 of 12)

This is the eighteenth post in a multi-part series where I share the highlights of the sections/subsections of the book How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Previous: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view

How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires

  • “I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you, I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.”
  • 3/4 of the people you will ever meet are hungering for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.


  • Example: Getting young teenage girl to trim her nails so that she could play piano better. “You have attractive hands and beautiful fingernails. If want to play the piano as well as you are capable of and as well as you would like to, you would be surprised how much quicker and easier it would be for you if you would trim your nails shorter. Just think about it, okay?” The important thing is that teacher acknowledged the student’s nails and implied sympathy — “I know it won’t be easy, but it will pay off in your better musical development.”
  • Sympathy is something the human species universally craves.

Up Next

Appeal to the nobler motives.


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